


I Find it Kind of Funny

by dilemma



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angry Castiel, Angry Dean, Angst, Best Friends, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Living Together, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-03 09:56:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilemma/pseuds/dilemma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean Winchester's relationship begins to break apart, he's left to think that the only relationship he hasn't ruined is his friendship with Castiel -- that is, until a slip of tongue causes a wedge between them. Conflict rages within Dean on who to trust and who to choose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Steps Back

There it is. The well known glare piercing through his goddamn soul from Lisa as she grabs her jacket, turning and stomping away. He could hear the anger in her steps as she started to leave. Even when she stopped at the doorway and turned to him, it radiated from her as she opened her mouth. Here it comes. 

“God, Dean, I thought there was more to you than this...” she started, nostrils flaring as she took a deep breath. “But no, here you are accusing me of being a crazy bitch because you heard from _Meg Masters_ that I hate your best friend, and that I supposedly wish he was dead. Then, you don’t believe me when I tell you I never said that.”

She stopped for a moment, but Dean knew she was going to start back up. His jaw clenched as he listened. It’s not his fault he’s known Castiel since the first day of high school. It’s wild, but they happened to go to the same college, they always joked about going to college together, and before he knew it, they were walking onto the campus together with bright smiles. However, she did have a point with it being Meg. Meg was known for starting rumors. He was just a little _too_ angry to give that much thought.

“Castiel is great and all, but it seems like you’re a better boyfriend to him than you are to me.” she stated a bit softly, but there was still something bitter in her voice. When she said that, Dean flinched back as if she’d physically hurt him. A better boyfriend to Castiel? They were just goddamn friends. Why couldn’t Lisa believe that? Dean stood there, letting out a sigh, keeping silent. She waited for him to respond. For him to run into her arms and beg her to forgive him. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, knowing that it wouldn’t be enough, but he didn’t know what else to say. He was never good with this kind of thing. He always found a way to screw things up, you’d think he’d be better at fixing it, but he wasn’t. She let out a huff of air before turning and walking out of his apartment, slamming the door as she left. Dean started walking towards the door, but gave up on trying to chase after her. He’d been in enough fights to know that she needed some time to cool off. 

Boy, he was good at saying the wrong thing, even when he was apologizing. Letting out a small sigh, he grabbed his phone. He wanted to text Castiel, meet up with him, and see if he could help advice wise - No, Dean wasn’t good at talking feelings, it would at least be a distraction. Unfortunately, the name of a certain someone popped up on screen, before he could even get to Castiel’s contact: _Meg_.

_So, how’d she take it? The breakup, I mean. MM_

_You’ve got to be kidding me. DW_

_You did break up with her...didn't you? MM_

_Eat shit, Meg. DW_

_She broke up with you. MM_

_No one broke up with anyone. DW_

_Why the hell not? MM_

At that point, Dean didn’t even want to respond. He shook his head, standing there for a moment before grabbing his green jacket and practically running out the door. He knew where Meg spent her time, at the back of campus, with all the druggies. 

It didn’t take him long to get there, he only lived about ten minutes away from the campus. He walked around back, to the rarely visited area that all the junkies smoked crack and snorted coke. Catching a glimpse of golden brown hair, and the fact that she was the shortest girl in the world gave her away. 

God, she was so fucking predictable. 

“Hey, Meg!” Dean shouted out, her head whipping around with a smirk plastered on it. He rolled his eyes as she approached him, quickly, too. 

“What are you doing here, Dean?” she asked, almost as if she was worried. 

“What, am I embarrassing you in front of your friends? Crimping your style?” he replied with a sarcastic pout. She let out a small sigh before crossing her arms, lifting her chin, trying to act more prestigious than she really was. 

“Smashing it. With a boulder.” she began, a grin sneaking up onto her lips. “Old people scare them, reminds them of death and with the way you look, you could be a living corpse.” 

“Cut the crap, Meg,” Dean growled, jaw clenching as he stared down at her. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play here, but there’s no reason for it. Telling me all those bullshit lies about Lisa, knowing I would get mad. Now she’s pissed, and I’m lucky I don’t have a sign on my back that says ‘dumped because a little bitch started a rumor.’” Meg looked quite appalled by that, her hands flew to her sides, balled up, as she glared up at him. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, I didn’t lie to you,” she started, stepping closer. “Lisa is not who she seems. I know you don’t like me, and I know I have done some regrettable things, but I didn’t lie to you about that.” 

Dean laughed at that before shaking his head and starting to turn away. He knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this. 

“You’re wrong.” Dean stated as he started walking away, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“About what?”

“Saying I don’t like you.”

“What?”

“It’s not that I don’t like you...”

“ _Really?_ ”

“I hate you.” 

That left her speechless as he walked away. All the anger boiled up inside him and he didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to start a fight and part of him wanted to scream. Everything always went wrong. He started to think that maybe he _should_ break up with Lisa. No, he couldn’t, not now. Breaking up with Lisa would only give Meg the satisfaction she’s looking for. As he slipped into his impala, he gripped the steering wheel, taking a few deep breaths. Maybe he would go home, grab a beer, watch television...sulk about Lisa. With a sigh, he shook his head. 

After two or three minutes sitting in his car, his thoughts repeating and contrasting as he tried to figure out whether or not he should break up with Lisa, he decided to text Castiel. I mean, the guy is his best friend, and even if he didn’t ask for advice, at least he’d be able to get Lisa off his mind. 

_Hey, Cas. You busy? DW_

_Not at the moment. I have a couple hours before my next class. CN_

_Cool... DW_

_You home? DW_

_Yes, I just got here. CN_

_Alright. I’ll be back soon. DW_

Dean let out a soft sigh of relief when he found out Castiel was back at the apartment. Deciding to share a place with him was probably the best decision he’d ever made. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he thought about what it would be like to share an apartment with Lisa and came to the conclusion that it would be god awful. That’s something to say about the girl he’s dating. Dean pushed her out of his mind as he returned to the apartment. 

It didn’t take him long to get up the stairs, as he was in a slight hurry - for no apparent reason. As he walked through the door, he saw Castiel sprawled out on the couch in just a pair of boxers. It was evident that he’d just taken a shower. This was normal for them, except for the fact that Lisa’s words rang through his head. 

_‘Castiel is great and all, but it seems like you’re a better boyfriend to him than you are to me.’_

Suddenly, Dean could feel a blush creeping up on his face, and he did not understand it whatsoever. Him and Castiel were just friends, that’s all they’ve ever been. Not just friends, but best friends. _Clearly Lisa is losing it,_ Dean thought, _I treat him as a friend._ When he shut the door, Castiel looked up, smiling brightly at him. Dean smiled back, but thoughts were still running through his mind. Yeah, Castiel is gay, but he also knows that Dean isn’t. The real question Dean had for himself is if he really was straight. With that thought, he laughed to himself, which made Castiel give him a strange look. Dean waved his hand to dismiss it. 

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel stated, brushing off the laughter and standing up. He walked over towards the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked. 

“I’m good for now, but thanks, man.” Dean replied, shrugging his jacket off and plopping himself down on the couch. 

“I talked to Meg today...” Dean trailed off, wondering if he should even go down that path, and stared at the ground. Soon, he felt the couch shift and Castiel was sitting right next to him. When he looked up, he scooted away from Castiel, feeling like he was too close. A small flicker of confusion was present on Castiel’s face, but Dean didn’t notice. 

“You and Meg are friends? I thought you didn’t like her.” Castiel said, tilting his head to the side. Dean laughed lightly and shook his head. 

“No, we’re not friends. I got in a fight with Lisa because of her. She started some dumb rumor that Lisa was saying shit about you, and I got angry.” Dean explained quickly and without as much detail as possible. 

“I’m sorry about that, Dean,” Castiel started, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder as he always did when giving him advice. However, Dean took that as much more due to the thoughts plaguing his mind. He stood up, causing Castiel’s hand to just drift there for a moment before he pulled it back. “Um, well, I’m sure you two will work things out if Meg isn’t being honest.” he finished, kind of quietly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Dean mumbled, fiddling with his fingers, becoming silent after that. At this point, Castiel was concerned by Dean’s behavior and stood up, walking over to him, grabbing his shoulders and turning Dean towards him. 

“Dean -” Castiel was cut off by Dean practically jerking out of his grasp, face red and palms sweaty. 

“Cas, you’re being kind of gay.” Dean muttered without thinking. This only confused Castiel as he stared at Dean. 

“Well, I am gay.” Castiel stated in response. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, but you know I’m not gay...” Dean retorted, all his emotions bubbling up. He didn’t actually know that, and he knew being gay wasn’t bad, but it’s just he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He was twenty two and there’s no way he could just now be figuring out he’s gay, could he? No. Not possible. 

“I know that?” Castiel more stated than asked, but he was confused about Dean’s behavior and what he was saying. None of it made any sense. 

“Listen, Cas, we’re best friends and all, but I’m with Lisa,” Dean started, not even thinking about what he was saying at this point. “I love her. I really do.” he said more for himself, trying to convince himself that he did. “And I mean, I love  you, too, but just as a friend. I don’t know what you thought was going on here, but we’re just friends, Cas. You’re great, and you’ll find a guy, but I’m not gay. I understand that maybe I crossed the line at some point. It still doesn’t make any difference, I’m not gay. And I’ll never be gay. Not because it’s bad, like go ahead, I’m just making this clear because I don’t want you to think I’m some fa -” Dean cut himself off when he realized what he was about to say. He took a deep breath and looked away. 

Castiel stood there, listen to his whole speech in complete and utter horror. It was bad enough that Dean thought all this, but then when he was going to use the one word that Castiel hated. The one word everyone used against him when he was in high school. Well, needless to say, it started a fire in Castiel.

“What’s that, Dean?” Castiel began, the anger present in his voice. “I’m a fag? That’s right because just like every other straight guy I know, you can’t keep it in forever. I mean, wow, I thought you weren’t like them. But it seems you’re just like every other guy that’s ever called me that,” Castiel walked over towards his bedroom, throwing on clothes. “And really? You think that I think you’re gay, and that I’m trying to get you to hop on my dick or something? Good lord, get the fuck over yourself, Dean...” he walked back into the living room, glaring at Dean. “You’re right, Dean. We were best friends. _Were_.” he finished, grabbing his backpack and walking out the door, slamming it behind himself. 

_Goddammit, how many people can I make angry in one day?_ Dean thought, sitting on the couch and putting his head in his hands. He hadn’t meant those things, but Lisa’s words were getting to him. He started overanalyzing everything. God, was he stupid or something? Letting out a deep breath, he stood up, walking towards his room. He wanted to follow Castiel, he did. And make it up to him. Unfortunately, Dean didn’t want to make an ass out of himself again and thought it best to give him some space. 

They were best friends. Castiel couldn’t be mad at him forever. Dean let out a groan as he got under his covers and pulling a pillow over his head. How many times was he going to upset the people he cared about? I mean, really, it must be some kind of record. As he laid there, he did his best to shut off his thoughts for just a moment. Finally getting some peace of mind, he heard a light knock on the front door and a faint “Dean.” Every fiber of his being wished it was Castiel, but Castiel had a key, and didn’t have the voice of Lisa.


	2. Wasted Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds himself even more confused, and Castiel's feelings start to be revealed about the whole situation. Lisa finds herself caught between wanting to ruin Dean and wanting to be with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to thank http://definemeequalsimpossible.tumblr.com, a friend of mine, who's been helping me by reading this over and peer reviewing it, and helping me edit this to make it the best it can be<3

Three knocks. Four knocks. Five.

“Dean? Are you in there?” Lisa asked for what felt like the fiftieth time to Dean. It was almost comical how much he didn’t care about Lisa standing out there. It was ridiculous how he continued dating someone he clearly wasn’t even sure he loved. His mind pushed that thought out and he convinced himself that he loved her. Unfortunately, Dean was more upset about what happened with Castiel than what happened with Lisa.

“Dean, cut it out, I know you’re in there!” she added this time and Dean rolled his eyes before rolling out of the bed -- wishing he could roll into an open grave -- and walked out towards the front door. He was hesitant as he reached out, then decided why the hell not and opened it up to see Lisa staring at him, arms crossed.

“I didn’t expect to see you until next winter,” Dean muttered, annoyed with this intrusion. He turned away from her before she could answer and he heard a huff of anger behind him. Once again, he could not find it in himself to care. As he walked over to his couch, he plopped down on it and soon enough, Lisa was by his side.

“Are you still angry with me?” she asked softly, leaning towards him. That’s what gave it away; whether or not she was being honest earlier. Whenever she felt guilty about something she’d done, she would try to seduce her way out of it. God, it worked so many times, probably too many times. This, though, this couldn’t be easily pushed aside. He scoffed, looking over at her with an expression expressing that he felt sorry for her.

“So, you really did say all that bullshit about Castiel?” he stated more than asked and if the wide eyed look he got from her was any indication, he was right. He pulled away from her, shaking his head. “You’re-... God, Lisa, what the hell?! He’s my best friend and because of you, he’s fucking pissed at me!” Which wasn’t exactly true, it was mostly his fault for what he said, for over reacting, for not admitting -- there was nothing to admit.

“What?! Dean, are you kidding me right now? I come here to make up with you, forgive you for all this stuff you’re accusing me of and you still think I said all that? I expected more from you,” she replied angrily, glaring at him again. Maybe he was overreacting about this, too. Everything was jumbled in his head; thoughts of how Lisa treated him, but mostly thoughts of Castiel in general and he couldn’t get himself to think clearly.

“Maybe you shouldn’t expect so much of me, then,” he retorted, standing from his spot, walking over to a chair so he didn’t have to be next to her. She watched him carefully, her gaze manipulative, trying to gauge what she could do to convince Dean otherwise, but Dean didn’t notice the look in her eye. He didn’t notice anything until she was straddling his lap and her hands were cupping his face.

He opened his mouth to say something, but her lips replaced his words and he was caught off guard. His hands rested on her hips and then it all felt wrong. So wrong. He never noticed this before, but kissing Lisa didn’t do anything for him. Gently, he pushed her back, shaking his head. Shit, he knew he was going to fuck things up even more, but he had to fix things with Castiel first. That’s all that really mattered to him at the moment.

“Um,” he began, glancing away. “I just need some time to think about this, alright? Can you do that? Just give me a couple days or so to sort things out,” he continued, looking back at her to see that ridiculous fucking glare again. Everything he did seemed to piss her off, so he didn’t understand why he even wanted to make this work. Without a word, she stood and grabbed her stuff. She looked at him for a long moment.

“Honestly, Dean,” she began, a part of her creeping into her voice that she so desperately wanted to hide. The part of her that said those things about Castiel. “I don’t understand you at all. One minute, you say you love me, and the next, you won’t even touch me. Maybe we should just end things now.”

One beat.

“Fine,” he replied easily.

“What?” Lisa was thrown off key and she narrowed her eyes at Dean. She’d used similar tactics against Dean before and he’d never been fine with it.

“I said fine. If that’s what you want, then okay,” Dean was done with her at this point. He didn’t need this anymore and part of him knew he would come to regret this later as he did with most decisions, but all he could focus on was Castiel and how he had messed things up majorly with him.

“You don’t love me?” she practically whimpered, trying to understand the situation she had created. Dean stared blankly, thinking for a few moments.

“I don’t really know, but there is no point in you staying here now because I really don’t want to talk to you. You’ve done enough today, so please, Lisa, just leave.”

Lisa’s mouth was agape and she wished she wasn’t hearing this. She wanted to scream or yell, but sadness enveloped her and she didn’t know what to do other than leave. As she made her way to the door, she was going to turn around and say something snarky, but she couldn’t. She had no motivation within her - no matter what was said, by the end of the day, she truly loved Dean, and now, things weren’t going the way she’d planned.

“Bye,” she muttered before rushing out the door, telling herself that she’d call him later or he’d call her and they’d work things out. Couples did this, couples fought and couples made up. That’s how the world worked.

Now that Dean was alone, he had his own thoughts to deal with which plagued his mind and he slumped in the chair, trying to think of how to cheer Castiel up. No, this was big, he really had to make it up to him for being so insensitive. Rubbing his face, he stood and let out a tired sigh.

It had been a long, tiring day with all the problems he had caused and he went the kitchen, lingering in there, debating on whether or not to make coffee. He shook his head and turned around, walking back to his room, but pausing as he passed Castiel’s room. It felt as if some outside force were possessing him, as he stepped back, pushing the door open and peering in.

Books scattered across the desk, along with papers, and god, clothes everywhere. The only thing that was neat was his bed, but that was most likely due to the fact that he’d pulled an all-nighter. Dean bit his lip as he stepped in. He told himself he was going to do Castiel a favor as he started cleaning up the man’s room. He threw dirty clothes into Castiel’s hamper and folded up the clean ones, putting them into his dresser.

Once all that was finished, he moved on to Castiel’s desk; stacking books in order of importance. His English books were in their own separate corner, and then next came history, science, psychology, and lastly, math. He tried to sort the man’s papers, but found it extremely difficult and ended up reading some of his work. There were a few poems written about someone, specific it seemed, and Dean felt a twinge of jealousy even though he knew he had no reason to.

Castiel had every right to flirt and date whomever he wanted, but the strange thing was, Castiel never did. Dean hadn’t thought much of it until now, but Castiel rarely went out and so Dean was left to wonder who could have caught Castiel’s attention so immensely that the man decided to write poetry about him. With a huff, Dean finished stacking the papers and organizing them.

He stayed in Castiel’s room some more, trying to find other things to clean up. As he snooped - no, he wasn’t snooping, just looking, as he looked around, he found one of Castiel’s sweatshirts and he laughed to himself, glancing around, just holding it. God, he knew it was weird to stand in his friend’s room, holding their clothing and he rubbed his face, feeling tired, but he did so anyway.

Glancing at Castiel’s bed, he tilted his head to the side. He would just rest, hang out for a bit and then leave, go take a nap in his own room. So, making his decision, he climbed onto Castiel’s bed, sweatshirt still in hand and he laid down, thinking of how he was going to apologize to his best friend. As he thought, his mind grew more and more foggy, and he became less and less aware of what was going on. In fact, he almost forgot he was in Castiel’s bed until he’d turned, shoving his face into the pillow and he could smell, well, Castiel.

It smelled like cinnamon, and for some reason, that frustrated Dean. How could Castiel just smell like cinnamon? The faint smell of the shampoo he used was there, it was supposed to smell like the ocean, but it just smelled safe to Dean. That’s when he told himself to leave, yet his body stayed, curling up in Castiel’s bed and drifting to sleep within minutes.

Meanwhile, Castiel was at the library, searching for a book, any book, preferably something challenging to take his mind off of what had happened. In all honesty, he felt horrible for what he’d said, telling Dean he was like every other asshole who had ever made fun of him. Dean was nothing like those kind of guys. He truly respected Castiel and he probably shouldn’t have said those things to him, but Dean hit a nerve.

Mostly it was due to the faith and trust he put into the other man, it was more than anyone else in his life and hearing what Dean had to say hit him hard. The thing was, once Castiel had gotten to the library, he realized something else must have been going on for Dean to act like that. When he thought back to it, Dean was quite shaken up about something, Lisa. He was shaken up about Lisa and their fight, and then he started rambling about how he wasn’t gay, as if Castiel needed to be reminded.

Castiel wasn’t even paying much attention to the books he was looking at. As he turned the corner, he caught sight of a smirk, a smirk he knew too well and he shook his head. “Balthazar,” Castiel drawled and he got a giddy response.

“Oh, so you do know my name,” Balthazar teased, leaning against the shelf and staring at Castiel. “Have you thought about my offer, Castiel?” he questioned and Castiel had half the mind to punch the guy if he wasn’t so against violence.

“Yes, I have thought about it in the sense that I’ve already said no,” Castiel replied, brushing past the other and trying to find something to occupy him so that Balthazar would leave him alone.

Balthazar frowned, following Castiel and sighing dramatically. “Oh, Cas, what you do to me. Honestly, though, it’s just one date. You’re single. I’m single. Why is it so difficult for you to say yes? You know I’m not a terrible guy,” he explained, tilting his head as he tried to peer around Castiel’s shoulder and get a good look at his face.

“Balthazar,” Castiel began, turning and having the man practically run into him. He pushed him back with his hand and looking him in the eye. “No, you’re not a terrible guy, however, I don’t... I don’t see you in the way you see me. I enjoy our friendship, but anything more would be too much for me. I’ve never been really into dating anyway, it distracts me from my studies. I’m very sorry, but there are plenty of people out there who would love to go on a date with you.”

Balthazar stood there. He knew it was Dean that… It had to be. He saw the way Castiel looked at Dean, and the worst part was, Dean was straight. Balthazar believed he could be so much more for Castiel, but the man refused him. Castiel took the silence as his cue to leave and he cleared his throat.

“Really, I’m sorry,” he muttered, starting to walk away. “I’ll see you around, though.”

“You can’t be infatuated with him forever, Cas,” Balthazar spoke up, making Castiel freeze in place. “He’s not even gay, and there are plenty of people out there who would love to go on a date with you, but you’re too busy hoping and dreaming some straight guy will turn gay for you. That’s not how things work, Cas, and I thought you would have figured that out by now.”

A silence enveloped them again, this time much more awkward and much more effective at making Castiel want to leave.

“Goodbye, Balthazar,” he stated, not looking back as he made his way out of the library. The only place left to go was back to his apartment. He hoped Dean wasn’t still acting strange because he was too tired to deal with it. He just wanted to get some damn sleep and all these crazy issues started appearing. He stalled his return to the apartment by stopping by the store to get some groceries and then dropping by the nearby bakery, buying himself a cupcake. Only eating the icing, he threw the rest out and finally, in no time at all he was standing at the door to the apartment.

Castiel opened it slowly, stepping in quietly and noticing that the apartment seemed empty. He made his way over to the kitchen, putting away the few groceries he bought and then biting his lip. Maybe Dean was asleep? He walked to Dean’s room, peeking in and seeing it was empty. He let out a sigh, believing Dean was out, probably with Lisa.

When he walked into his room, he was surprised. First, it was clean, everything organized and tidy. Second, and more importantly, Dean was sleeping in his bed. He had one of Castiel’s sweatshirts in hand and his face buried into the pillows, the blanket awkwardly pulled around him.

Castiel’s mouth was parted at the sight and he stood in his doorway, frozen, unsure what to do. Part of him said to just wake Dean up, get him to go to his room, but the other part of him wanted to just climb into bed with him. It’d be okay for both of them. Nothing would happen. They’d both get sleep.

Castiel spent the next fifteen minutes leaving the room, then coming back, debating, then leaving the room again - the process repeating. Finally, he just kicked his shoes off, walked over to the bed and climbed in next to Dean, facing him. They were best friends for goodness sake. They’ve shared a bed before, countless times -- at sleepovers, after they (Dean, mostly) would get drunk, or when Dean would have some trouble at home.

This was no different other than the fact that it felt oddly intimate. Castiel shut that thought down as soon as it entered his mind.

He paused, eyes flickering down.

One of Dean’s hands moved, sliding up the side of Castiel’s leg and then under his shirt a tad, that’s when Dean’s hand stopped. Then, it continued, moving to Castiel’s back and soon his whole arm was wrapped around Castiel’s waist, pulling him closer.


	3. Not Good Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After subconsciously and unconsciously wrapping himself around his bed friend, Dean realizes that keeping his feelings inside might be harder than he previously thought. Castiel on the brink of pure confusion and Dean already there - things start coming to a head after the breakup between Dean and Lisa, and Sam decides to let Dean know what he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my friend, http://definemeequalsimpossible.tumblr.com, for helping me edit these chapters and supporting me the full way through! I hope you all enjoy chapter three and thank you all very much for being so kind with your comments(:

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat. Dean’s warm hand was resting at his back now, and life seemed to stand still for a moment. Their bodies were pressed together and Castiel thought he’d never get this sort of feeling of being so close to Dean. Castiel knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way because Dean was straight. All Castiel could think about though was every place in which their bodies touched. Dean’s thighs were warm against his own and Castiel could feel the beat of his friend’s heart, similar to his own, but slower.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, not realizing his hands were bunched up in Dean’s shirt until that moment. He slowly let his fingers uncurl, Dean still asleep. Castiel didn’t even know if he wanted to wake the other up because it all felt too nice. “Dean,” Castiel tried again, but Dean was tightening his grip. Castiel swallowed hard.

“Mhm...” Dean hummed, but it was clear that he wasn’t fully awake. Castiel was about to shake him, but Dean began shifting around. Castiel thought he’d lost his breath earlier, but now his friend was shoving his leg between Castiel’s and scooping him closer. Dean’s head was now buried at the crook of Castiel’s neck. Half the man was on top of him and god, he had no idea what to do at this point. If he woke Dean up now, the man would only freak out about it.

Castiel frowned. He knew he shouldn’t have done this, problem after problem popping into Castiel’s mind if Dean were to wake up to this. Taking a deep breath, Castiel tried thinking up a plan to shimmy his way out from underneath the weight holding him in place. That’s when he heard a small whisper of his own name against his neck. Castiel paused a moment.

“Dean, are you awake?” he asked softly, but he got no response except for the steady breathing of a still sleeping roommate. Castiel closed his eyes, assuming he was just hearing things, then Dean said his name again, soft and mumbled. Dean was talking in his sleep. Saying Castiel’s name. Against his neck. Dean’s breath was way too hot and Castiel needed to get out of there before something bad happened.

He tried scooting out, but Dean’s grip only got stronger and pulled him even more; to the point where Dean’s lips were pressed up against his neck and he could feel every breath from the other. Castiel wished he could just relax and he wished that this was normal - he wished Dean would want to do this while conscious, but sadly, that wasn’t going to happen.

Again, Castiel’s hands were bunched up in Dean’s shirt, a nervous habit, because all he could focus on was the man’s breath against his skin and the small whisperings of his name. He didn’t even understand why Dean would be saying all that in his sleep. Then again, it was clear the other felt bad about earlier and so maybe he was having a dream about apologizing to Castiel... Castiel let out a sigh and Dean moved, making Castiel freeze. He stared up at the ceiling, hoping Dean wasn’t going to wake up.

Fortunately, the man didn’t wake up and Castiel could resume breathing. Castiel decided that he should fall asleep because then if Dean woke up, he would assume they both were asleep beforehand and... No, that wouldn’t work at all. All he wanted was for Dean to get some sleep and not freak out, but things were headed towards disaster.

Everything was going to fall apart all over again and Castiel just wanted to apologize about earlier. Castiel just wanted things to be okay with them. He didn’t want Dean to think that he was trying to make the other gay, but this wouldn’t help with anything at all. Castiel took a deep breath because he was beginning to panic.

“Cas?” Dean murmured in question, and Castiel’s eyes widened. He expected anger or pulling away or something overdramatic. “What time is it?” was all he got and he wasn’t sure whether to be worried or relieved.

“It’s... um, it’s almost six,” Castiel answered slowly, staying absolutely still. From what he could tell, Dean was trying not to move either.

They laid like that for a few minutes and Castiel could only assume that Dean was trying to keep calm, and he was kind of glad because he needed calm for once.

Dean couldn’t even think at the moment. As soon as he woke up, all he could register was that his hands were on Castiel and so were his legs and his lips. Then, finding out he only got about an hour of sleep wasn’t all that great and he now was trying to figure out how all this happened. He was scared to move because he was worried about the feeling he might get from his skin dragging across Castiel’s. It already sounded nice in his head and he had to push that thought out.

First, he pulled his head out of the crook of Castiel’s neck and licked his lips. Then, he moved his leg because at least that was clothed. Finally, he moved his hand and Dean couldn’t push this out of his mind. Dean couldn’t deny the sense of pleasure he got from just _feeling_ Castiel. He wanted to feel more of Castiel and that was something he was definitely afraid of.

“Listen, Cas,” Dean began, mind still foggy from sleep and a little jumbled from all these feelings he was having about his best friend. He heard Castiel sigh and Dean shook his head, sitting up a bit. “No, I’m not... just listen, alright?” He decided it would be better to talk about earlier than what was happening just then.

Castiel glanced over at Dean, trying not to think about the way Dean’s hand lingered on his body as he pulled it away or how careful Dean was being or how there was this look in his eye that Castiel wasn’t sure if he was just making up or not.

“Yeah, alright,” Castiel replied, sitting up as well and watching his friend carefully.

Dean cleared his throat, averting Castiel’s gaze because he really didn’t need to be looking into those blue eyes at the moment.

“Man, I’m really sorry,” Dean began, looking down at his hands, then glancing at Castiel for a quick second. “Really, I just, I don’t know what was going on. I was kinda pissed because Lisa was saying all this shit about you, and then she said this thing... this thing about, um, me being a better boyfriend to you than her,” It all sounded so stupid the more he thought about it. “And then I just started over thinking everything you did and our friendship and I took it all way out of proportion because of that. I know that’s not an excuse,  and I shouldn’t have said those things. It was really more me than you. I was being a dick and fuck, I-...” Dean felt arms around him and warm breath at his neck.

“Dean, it’s fine,” Castiel murmured, glad that things were okay again. That’s all he really wanted at the moment. “I’m still angry with you because of what you said, but I didn’t mean it when I said we weren’t friends anymore. We’re still best friends, Dean. Still best friends,” And only best friends. That’s all he had with Dean and he wasn’t going to lose it just because of one dumb argument. “Like I said, though, I’m still angry with you because that was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say to me, but you’re lucky because I’ll let you make it up to me.”

Dean smiled, forgetting about his weird insecurities long enough to wrap his arms around Castiel as well. He pulled Castiel close and it’s not like they’ve never hugged before, but there was something different about this; the way Castiel’s body pressed against his own. Part of Dean told him to just let go, but then the part that had  control only wanted Castiel closer. Castiel had never been hugged so long by anyone, especially Dean. He went to let go when they usually would, but Dean was still holding onto him.

He didn’t say anything about it, just like they’d said nothing about what was going on when they both woke up.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you, Cas,” Dean muttered when he finally decided to pull away. He looked at Castiel, clearing his throat and then scratching the back of his head. “I mean, I’ve got nothing to do now that I’m single.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, double the size they were earlier. “What?!”

“Yeah, I ended things with Lisa,” Dean replied, shrugging. He ought to have been more upset by it, but he wasn’t and in all honesty, he was happier to be with Castiel than with Lisa. Dean realized he was going to have to pull himself together if he was feeling this way about Castiel.

“Are you serious?” Castiel asked, still shocked by the news. He stared at Dean, waiting for it to be a joke, but it clearly wasn’t. “Oh my god, you’re serious. What happened?”

Dean shrugged, not wanting it to be a big deal, but then again, this was his best friend. “Well, um, at first I was just kind of thinking that things weren’t like they used to. I wasn’t really happy, and then I thought it might just be a rough patch... but... god, when I heard about that stuff she was saying about you-”

“I thought that wasn’t true? Wasn’t it just a rumor?” Castiel interjected.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too,” Dean replied, shaking his head. “Then, she was trying to... she was basically trying to seduce me into forgetting the whole thing. She didn’t even acknowledge half the things I asked her... and I realized she was lying about it, so I just told her that things were over. I mean, she suggested it. She said we should end things and I said fine.”

Castiel nodded, watching Dean carefully to see if he was upset, but he didn’t look very upset at all. He didn’t mention anything of it, and he tried to hide his happiness. He took a deep breath, rubbing his face.

“You should call Sam,” Castiel said finally, shrugging. “I mean, he’ll be able to help you more with that because I’m two seconds away from passing out and I really wanna help you, but I haven’t slept in at least a day.”

Dean smiled, laughing lightly and then scooting off of the bed. He felt a hand tug at his shirt and he glanced back at Castiel.

“Thanks for cleaning up my room,” Castiel murmured with a smile. Dean blushed lightly, just nodding his head in response.

“Get some sleep, Cas.” Castiel let go of Dean’s sleeve and then got under the covers. Dean turned off the lights in the room and closed the door so it was only slightly cracked open. That’s when he really started thinking about everything that had happened.

At some point, Castiel got home, and Dean couldn’t blame Castiel for this because when he woke up, Castiel didn’t even have one arm wrapped around him. No, it was all Dean. With a sigh, he shook his head, walking down the hall to his room. He knew he couldn’t deny any of this for much longer because things were progressing more and more towards him confessing his feelings that he couldn’t even accept himself. God, he’d had his whole body wrapped around the other, and he wasn’t really one for cuddling normally. He’d never even woken up that snuggled around Lisa for goodness sake!

As he walked into his own room, his mind was swimming with about a million thoughts and he plopped down onto his bed, laying there. He stared up at the ceiling and for a moment, he let himself just think about Castiel. For now, Lisa was out of the picture, at least he hadn’t regretted his decision just yet. Dean thought of how nice it was to wake up so close to Castiel.

How the warmth of the other man completely enveloped him and made him feel better. How soft his skin was against his hand. How great it was to have his lips pressed up against him. That’s when Dean covered his face, trying to rid himself of the image of blue eyes and dark hair. He flipped onto his stomach, reaching over and grabbing his cellphone. Quickly, he dialed Sam’s number.

On the third ring is when his brother finally answered.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam murmured, a bit breathlessly. While any normal person would assume Sam was busy with his girlfriend, Dean knew it was because he was on his daily run. He forgot to check the time before calling.

“Sammy!” Dean exclaimed and he got a sigh from the other end.

“What’s going on, Dean?” Sam asked, definitely expecting something terrible and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“I might have broken up with Lisa,” Dean replied after a few moments.

He got a laugh from the other end.

“Finally?”

“What do you mean ‘finally’? Was this something you were expecting? What the hell, man?” Dean rambled, still getting laughter.

“Yeah, I did expect it,” Sam began. “Dude, you’re never happy with her. I suggested you go out with her because I thought she would make you happy, but you’re a fucking wreck around her. All you do is complain, and somehow she manages to complain even more. I don’t know how you two stayed together for this long... does Cas know?”

What did Castiel have to do with anything?

“Yeah, yeah, he knows,” Dean muttered, deflated because apparently this wasn’t really news to his own brother.

A pause.

“What’d he say about it?” Sam asked, a shift in the conversation.

“I dunno, he was surprised, then told me to call you before passing out in the bed,” Dean answered, shrugging even though Sam couldn’t see him.

“In _the_ bed?”

“Oh, uh, yeah... I fell asleep in his bed earlier, he got home and, um, he didn’t wanna wake me up, but then I woke up... it doesn’t really matter,” Dean explained, but it sounded so much worse out loud than in his head.

“Wait... are you guys-...”

“No, no, no! Sam, come on, we’re just friends. I couldn’t... no, that’s not... we’re not,” Dean replied loudly, blushing furiously and glad his brother wasn’t there to see it.

He got silence for a good few seconds.

“Yeah, okay, Dean...” Sam murmured, trying to hold back his laugh. Dean let out a sigh and he didn’t understand why Sam seemed to pick up on all of this.

“What the hell are you laughing about?”

“Well, man, you and Cas... that’s... that wouldn’t be surprising. I mean, you get all defensive about it, like the idea of it is ridiculous-”

“It is ridiculous! Sam, I’m straight!” Dean replied, almost angry, but more confused than anything.

“That doesn’t mean anything, Dean,” Sam retorted. “Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean that maybe, just maybe there’s that one person that happens to change everything. I’ve seen you two together; you guys really care about each other... I wouldn’t be surprised if he happened to be that person for you. And honestly, you kind of need that. Compared to all your past relationships, Cas is a fucking angel, but you spend all your time worrying about being straight... what the hell does that matter, Dean? If you like him, you like him.”

Dean was the silent one now because Sam had a point. It didn’t matter - it shouldn’t - but it did to Dean for some reason.

“I’ve gotta go,” Dean said quietly, rubbing his face.

“Dean...”

“Seriously, I’m really tired, need sleep,” Dean continued, clearing his throat. “I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you later... um, tell Jess I said hi. Bye, Sam.” He hung up before Sam could say anything else. He set his phone on the side table before leaning back down on his bed. He let out a long sigh, closing his eyes.

What Dean needed to figure out was why it did matter so much. What was it about Castiel that made this all matter so damn much? Dean shook his head, getting under his covers and for a split second, he wished Castiel was underneath them with him. That only made him pull the covers closer around his body and curl up into himself.

He’d have to think about that another day, another time. It was all too much all at once and he hadn’t a clue how to figure it out. Sleep would help, he decided, but it was really just an excuse to get away from it all, if only for a few hours.


End file.
